Hello everyone! Today, I will talk about something I have barely opened up about in the last four months- COVID 19 and brain fog! Have you heard of it? Well, I am about to get generous with the details. Here is how it all went down:

The Negative COVID 19 Tests

I was set to leave the country in a week. Like most travel destinations, I had to get my PCR test done at least five days in advance. My flight was on a Saturday, and I figured that doing my test the previous Monday made the most sense. I remember feeling very worried at the testing center. We were at least 100 people, and I could not help but think that maybe one person had COVID 19. The risk of exposure was high, and I did not touch anything other than the form and pen. I sanitized a lot after that. My results were out by the end of the day- I was negative. Good news!

Given that I was transiting through another country, I had to take another test 72 hours before my departure. Once again, I went through the harrowing waiting time and uncomfortable tests and was negative. That was on Thursday, and I was now set to travel.

At the airport, I barely moved from one seat to the other. I remember using the loo only once at my home airport and once at the transit airport. During the flight, I sanitized, kept my mask on despite being uncomfortable, and changed my mask every three hours. Additionally, I maintained social distancing during transit and even after touching down.

The Positive Test

When I finally arrived at my destination, I was once again subjected to a PCR test before heading to quarantine. I made my way to the hotel and expected to get my results on Sunday. After a restful night, I heard a knock on my door. The doctor was outside with a PCR test, requesting that I get tested again because my results were inconclusive. Having done the test, I did not unpack my things because I could already feel some gloom settling around me. Something did not feel quite right, and at around ten at night, I received the call. “Miss,” someone on the end of the line started, “you have tested positive for COVID 19. The doctor will soon be with you.”

What followed was a very stressful and scary night as several thoughts ran through my head. How had I gotten COVID 19? After all, I had sanitized, worn my mask, socially distanced, and stayed home almost all the time. What was going to happen to me? Why did I not have any symptoms?

I remember calling my family to tell them what was going on in the middle of all this anxiety. Have I mentioned that I suffer from anxiety? This news did nothing to calm me as I showered and got ready for what was next. An hour later, I was in an ambulance, sirens all around me and PPE-adorned medics in the ambulance with me. It seemed so scary, and I felt even more scared. Two other people had tested positive, and when we got to the hospital, I could see the fear in their eyes. They were as scared as I was. Imagine being in a foreign country with no way to communicate with your loved ones (I did not have a sim card) and being driven around in an ambulance at night. I stood in front of the x-ray machine, wondering what this test would serve and feeling very alone.

The COVID protocols were so strict. I remember that the lady who had also tested positive wanted to use the washroom. The doctors advised her that she could only do so at the hotel once we got to our destination. They were afraid of us contaminating other people. Inside, I felt okay and was truly asymptomatic. But to the world, I was carrying a contagious virus and needed to be away from other people.

I was scared, worried, and nobody was forthcoming with what would happen to us next. All they said was, “you will be fine.” We finally got to the quarantine hotel, where we were to remain in isolation until we healed. Given COVID 19 protocols, I had one medic helping me with my luggage. Up the stairs, we went into my room. I was lucky not to be sharing a room (I have heard stories of how people have spent quarantine with strangers due to limited resources). It was now an hour past midnight, and I was standing in my room, realizing that this would be my home. For how long? – I had no idea. Again, nobody was telling us anything. I took one last look at my neighbors who had come with me from the hospital, saw the teary and scared looks in their eyes, and bid them goodnight. Doors shut- we were now alone in our rooms, unaware of what would befall us in the coming weeks. The medic came again, offered me some vitamin C supplements, a mouthwash, cleaning equipment, and detergents, and bedding. Again, the room felt cold, and again, I felt so alone.

Finally, I started unpacking. There was no question about it- this was my home for an indefinite period. Nobody told me that even though I could not feel the disease, it was slowly affecting me. Nobody told me that this cold night would soon be the least of my memories. As I lay in bed connecting to the WIFI and updating my loved ones that I was now safe, I had no idea that I was lying to them. Neither did they.

Everyone talks about how bad COVID 19 is for symptomatic patients in its active phase. But how many people talk about how it affects asymptomatic patients in the weeks or months that follow? Next, I will talk about the resultant brain fog and fatigue that plague me to this day. But for now, wear your mask, sanitize, and maintain social distancing.

Stay safe!

With love,

Dee